JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader whose efforts to seduce her man in the bedroom fell as flat as a pancake
She tried her best to turn him on (stock)(Image: Getty Images)
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
I tried to excite him
Our sex life is going downhill faster than Franz Klammer with the runs. Recently I was so frustrated I attempted to spice up our sex life with a strip tease – and all the partner did was laugh. I put a lot of effort into setting the mood in our bedroom with soft lighting and silky bedlinen.
I treated myself to a revealing outfit and carefully chose the right music. I slowly began stripping and talking dirty but he couldn’t have been less appreciative if he’d tried. He chuckled and boomed that I looked ridiculous. He ordered me to put on my clothes before I frightened the dog.
What else am I supposed to do when I’ve tried everything from sex toys to saucy stories to turn him on?
JANE SAYS: It sounds as if you need to have a series of chats away from the bedroom. Nothing gives your guy the right to ridicule and crush you. You made a special effort to titillate and entertain him on that fateful night, but all he did was jeer. Why does he think your sex life has hit a wall? What’s going on in his mind? What ideas does he have for a sexual kick up the backside? Is there anything he needs to tell you about his health or life outside of the home?
Make it clear that you can’t keep knocking yourself out if he’s not willing to meet you halfway. Emphasise that you love him and want this relationship to work but only have so much energy and stamina to draw on.
Trading places
I thought 2026 was going to be my year. I thought I was on the brink of getting back with the love of my life. But now she’s announced she’s marrying someone else in the spring. I’ve been left high and dry.
She says she’s sorry for building my hopes up but this other guy has so much more to offer in terms of money, property and status. She swears she loves and respects me but can’t allow him to ‘slip through her fingers’. She maintains she loves him with her head and me with her heart. She says that we’re both equally good in bed – there’s nothing to separate us – but, on balance she needs to choose him for the good of her future. How is that supposed to make me feel?
What I can’t understand is how she can she be serious about him when she was still sleeping with me until a few days ago? Our last night together on December 20th was magical; we made love three times, and she whispered that I hold a special place in her heart and that she will always love me. Now, apparently, I must forget her and stop making a fuss. She’s sent me a long-winded email explaining that I need to ‘take this like a man’ because it’s not personal. She bleats that she’s only human and can’t be in two places at one time. She says this very hard for her, but she’s made her decision – and I’m the loser.
How am I supposed to feel when I’ve been used and tossed aside? Plus, she must have been planning the wedding for at least six months because my sister is getting married in April and I know how complicated these events are. I’ve seen the guy she’s traded me in for and he’s a drip.
JANE SAYS: I get the impression that your ex-lover is a very hardheaded person who will always put herself – and her financial interests – first. There’s no denying that you and she have enjoyed some fun times together but this is a fresh start for you.
No one could blame you for feeling disappointed and angry, but you must let this go. If the woman you love isn’t prepared to commit to you, if her eyes are on another prize, then your association with her ends here. Life may seem horribly unfair, but you have your answer in the form of an email.
Please don’t waste any more time or emotion going over the details; maybe she has been planning a spring wedding behind your back. Maybe she was never honest or true but none of that is important now.
What IS important is your future. 2026 is just beginning and you must look to the future with positivity and courage. She never defined you. If she doesn’t recognise you for the special person, you are, then that’s her loss. As for your rival, I urge you to rise above petty insults and be the bigger person. Allow yourself a short period of pillow thumping and then begin the fight back; stronger and wiser.
Oh Brother
My fella’s brother is the most important person in his life.
I’m in no doubt my man loves and respects me, but his bro comes first. I’d like us to move away and open our own business only the precious brother can’t be “left behind”. How do I stem my growing resentment?
JANE SAYS: Put together a plan of how you would like your future to be in maybe five, 10 or 20 years, then suggest a sit-down chat with your partner. Of course, he can love and support his brother but it’s not necessary for them to live in each other’s pockets. Does he share your ambitions and dreams?
Make it clear that the brother will always be welcome, but a compromise must be found. Then see which side he picks…